i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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