I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
