My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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