Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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