do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
