I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
smell my finger.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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