I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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