Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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