Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
