Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
