girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
