I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
