Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize