he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
