like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Even my vagina gasped.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
