Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
