I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
