It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
