why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
