I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
