I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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