look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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