He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
