We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
