he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
