I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
