I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
