"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
