Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
