Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
