How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
