I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
