im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
