I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
