i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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