Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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