yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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