When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize