The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
