Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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