Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Two words: nipple clamps
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