On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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