dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
