Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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