I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
