i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
