I just threw up on my dentist
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize