Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
