Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
