I seem to have left my pride at pride
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
