Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
