I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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