my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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