I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
