dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
