I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
