Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
