I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
