i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
