Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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