haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
