A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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