My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
