I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
