Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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