I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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