Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My breasts were aching with rage.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
