Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
