I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
