So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
