just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
