Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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