my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
