Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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