Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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