I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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