She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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