After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
