youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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