Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
