Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
