Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
